Monday

It's a beautiful winter day again. The sun is shining, there is not a cloud in the sky, and I can hear the little creek at the bottom of the drive rushing by. As I look out the kitchen window toward lake Geneva (or Lac Léman) I imagine my day, totally free from obligations of work. What a lucky girl I am!!!
Most weekdays I wake up at 8, kiss Greg goodbye and then stare off into space for 1-2 hours, sometimes in front of the TV, or I bake something. Yesterday I made a zucchini cake with cream cheese icing and my first loaf of real homemade bread. The loaf is all gone today, even after I promised myself I would stop eating wheat because I have a rash on my face.
Next, I psych myself up to do some prenatal yoga with Shiva Rae, a very slimly pregnant yogi in my TV, who is now like my best friend, and the female I spend the most time with. I'm not sure whether I have a pain in my back because the Yoga is releasing old tension or causing new tension. My plan is to keep doing it until the pain goes away.
After Yoga I have a shower and get dressed in an outfit that says "not fat but pregnant" and set my iphone to CBC radio's DNTO with Sook Yin Lee, and go for a walk downtown, happily listening to Sook Yin and my lovely fellow Canadians telling their very familiar stories.

I am a stranger in Switzerland, I walk through the city with some fear of myself, wondering what, if anything, I will do with my time here, other than wait for a baby.
Life is very slow, a little lonely sometimes, but pregnancy has given me an even keel for my moods and a feeling of peace I never had before. I feel more proud of myself and worthy of love and respect.
The problem is that after spending my whole life wishing to have a baby, that being my secret desire and ultimate goal since I can remember, and having found a partner who I love and trust, I am now free to just be me.